Archive for Relationships

How Do the Little Things Make Such A Big Difference?

Just returning from attending an event hosted by Dixie “Dynamite” Gillaspie in St. Louis this weekend I sat down to catch up on some of my favorite blogs and read the following phrase: “quite often it’s the obscure things that we do…that we don’t even notice…that are meaningful and memorable to others…” this saying, from one of my new favorite blogs by Jane Carroll, a dear and inspiring friend, really got me to thinking about the weekend and an incredible thing that happened. It seemed like such a small thing unfolding, kind of like the phrase above, it really wasn’t a part of the big picture, yet it made a huge impact.

One of the other attendees had spoken with one of the presenters, Tom Ruwitch, who happened to remember meeting him just over two years ago. Tom being the amazing person he is started the conversation by asking about the project he had been working on at that time. Yes, Tom remembered the details of a project of someone he had not seen or spoken with in over two years. In fact, the attendee himself had actually forgotten the project. Today, he was at a point where he was struggling with how to put together what he was doing with what he loved, that was one of his motivations for even attending this event. Once Tom reminded him of the project it was a total lightbulb moment; he now knew exactly how it all fit together and what he wanted to do. His vision had returned, he was excited and completely focused. Amazing isn’t it? Something so small as remembering a detail about the other person totally impacted their life.

This had nothing to do with what Tom was presenting on, his specialty is marketing, yet Tom wasn’t thinking about himself or what was in it for him. Two years ago when he met the attendee he took the time to really listen for a few seemingly insignificant moments and those few moments would eventually make a tremendous impact.

Sometimes it’s the little things we do that make the biggest difference, has this ever happened to you?

A Road with No Bumps Please

Where did we get this idea that life was supposed to go smoothly and if it doesn’t something is wrong with us? As if there is a point we get to if we just do the right thing we will experience a life of totally smooth sailing.

I was talking with a friend today who is dealing with some “bumps”. First came the apologies for not being all happy and then the conclusions of all the things they had done wrong and bad decisions they had made.  Again, as if they had just made different decisions, life would be totally smooth right now and somehow because they didn’t they were less of a person or had less of a life.

The thing is life is just that way. Some days are sunny, some are stormy. There are ups and downs. Things do not always go the way we plan. We make the best decisions we can at the time we make them and then things change.

The more roads you travel, the more risks you take, the more bumps you are likely to encounter.

It is not about a road with no bumps or a life with no issues, it is about navigating through, over and around the bumps making the best decisions you can and learning as you go. It is about surrounding yourself with friends and mentors that help you navigate the bumpy road and enjoy the ride!

As Louisa May Alcott said “I am not afraid of the storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”

What do you think when you hit a bump?

 

How Many Mind Readers Do You Know?

Today we have more ways than ever to communicate, but does that mean we are really communicating what we want?

The other day I got a text from a friend that I thought was cute but I didn’t quite understand it. When I responded letting them know I didn’t, their response was “oh it’s nothing”. That was the end of the conversation. Quite some time later we happened to speak on the phone and they told me, with obvious disappointment, they had wanted me to call them and thought I would get that from the text.

Really? Now, if they had texted, “hey can you give me a call?” I would have in a heartbeat and been excited about it. If for some reason I was busy I would have let them know when I could call. Instead, I didn’t know what they wanted; they felt let down and ultimately did not get what they really wanted.

NOW, I know I have been guilty of this very same thing, expecting someone to know what I want.

How about you have you ever thought..

Why did s/he hire them and not me, s/he knows I do that?
Why aren’t they doing business with me, they know I ……?
Why don’t they call, they know…..
Why didn’t my boss give me that assignment, they know….
Why didn’t my kid …., they know…

Do they know….Do they really know what you want or need or are you expecting them to read your mind?

Are you asking for what you really want?

It’s A Great Day! …The Surf’s Up, Or Is It?

How could you surf if all the waves were even?  It would be impossible, however, surfing the low of the wave is difficult and challenging. The deeper the lows of the wave, the higher the high……surfing the low is tough but when the high comes…..ahhhhh, surfing the highest of the high wave is so worth it. Surfing even waves gives us no reference for that.

If every day was completely even life would get pretty boring. But our low days are not always easy to handle. How do you handle your low waves or bad days? Have you ever heard anyone say “I am feeling so good, how am I going to handle it?” Being happy “the high waves” are easy when things are going well, but every day is not like that.
When you are feeling good do you ever try to rationalize it away? Have you ever said something like “other people have it better than me so I shouldn’t be so happy?” But how often when you are feeling bad have you told yourself something like “some people have it worse than me so I shouldn’t feel so bad?’
Feeling sad or bad, i.e. negative feelings, is just as normal as feeling good or happy i.e. positive feelings. Denying, rationalizing, or even chastising yourself for knowing better or for not being more positive will not make it better.
So what can you do?
Be honest with yourself. Accept, identify and allow the feeling. Is it anger, grief, sadness, fear etc. This gives you the opportunity to move through it quicker without getting stuck in it. Denying it and being dishonest with yourself can create more emotional turmoil.
Identify what you are feeling it about. What is triggering the feeling? Sometimes it is not the actual event or problem the issue is deeper.  Talking (not whining or complaining) with someone you trust or writing it out can help. Just letting it out can lessen some of the emotional pain and burden you are holding inside. Much as sharing a fear with a trusted friend can help you overcome it.
Give yourself the comfort and love that you would a good friend. Don’t just try to buck it up and tough it out. That’s not what you would expect your good friend to do. A hug, a comforting thought. Surround yourself as much as possible with things that make you feel better.
Don’t give up on your plans, ideas or dreams because of a set back or bad day.  Just as high and low waves are a part of surfing, good and bad days are all a part of what makes life more interesting. Tap into your courage to make the most of the highs and the lows!

It's A Great Day! …The Surf's Up, Or Is It?

How could you surf if all the waves were even?  It would be impossible, however, surfing the low of the wave is difficult and challenging. The deeper the lows of the wave, the higher the high……surfing the low is tough but when the high comes…..ahhhhh, surfing the highest of the high wave is so worth it. Surfing even waves gives us no reference for that.

If every day was completely even life would get pretty boring. But our low days are not always easy to handle. How do you handle your low waves or bad days? Have you ever heard anyone say “I am feeling so good, how am I going to handle it?” Being happy “the high waves” are easy when things are going well, but every day is not like that.
When you are feeling good do you ever try to rationalize it away? Have you ever said something like “other people have it better than me so I shouldn’t be so happy?” But how often when you are feeling bad have you told yourself something like “some people have it worse than me so I shouldn’t feel so bad?’
Feeling sad or bad, i.e. negative feelings, is just as normal as feeling good or happy i.e. positive feelings. Denying, rationalizing, or even chastising yourself for knowing better or for not being more positive will not make it better.
So what can you do?
Be honest with yourself. Accept, identify and allow the feeling. Is it anger, grief, sadness, fear etc. This gives you the opportunity to move through it quicker without getting stuck in it. Denying it and being dishonest with yourself can create more emotional turmoil.
Identify what you are feeling it about. What is triggering the feeling? Sometimes it is not the actual event or problem the issue is deeper.  Talking (not whining or complaining) with someone you trust or writing it out can help. Just letting it out can lessen some of the emotional pain and burden you are holding inside. Much as sharing a fear with a trusted friend can help you overcome it.
Give yourself the comfort and love that you would a good friend. Don’t just try to buck it up and tough it out. That’s not what you would expect your good friend to do. A hug, a comforting thought. Surround yourself as much as possible with things that make you feel better.
Don’t give up on your plans, ideas or dreams because of a set back or bad day.  Just as high and low waves are a part of surfing, good and bad days are all a part of what makes life more interesting. Tap into your courage to make the most of the highs and the lows!

Lessons from Nature–Are You Growing Where You Are Planted?

Lessons from Nature–Are you growing where you are planted?

There are so many lessons that can be learned from nature. Just while “growing” this post I came across a few great ones like growing an innovative company via invasive species, learning to go with the flow via the ocean waves, moving toward our goals via rabbits, and the difference between curing and healing via a dandelion.

One thing about plants is they grow everywhere, you can find plants in the ocean, in the desert, in the tropical rainforest and in the middle of a driveway crack. But the thing about a plant is this, planted in the right location it will thrive…in the wrong location and it will choke and die. Some different locations are very obvious; a tropical rainforest plant will most likely not survive in the desert. Much as a cold weather plant will not survive in a tropical location. However, some variations of location are much more subtle and not as easy to notice.

I happen to have a plant I love, I do not know its official name, I call it an elephant ear plant because it has huge elephant ear looking leaves.

I have grown this plant at the last four homes I have lived in. The very same plant, I have moved it with me. All four homes have been in the same basic Florida climate, the plant has weathered hurricanes, hailstorms, baking heat and this last winter more freezing weather than it can remember. For all intents and purposes you would say this is a very positive thinking plant, it survives pretty much anything.

At times this plant has been reduced to barely a single stalk when I have planted it in the wrong location, now this just may be a corner that was too sunny or to dry. Other plants were growing there but it wasn’t the right spot for it. I would replant the small dying stalk sometimes only ten feet away and it would quickly return to its abundant leafy glory. When it is really doing well, I have moved some of it’s off spring plants to give them room and again found there were certain spots it just did not thrive in. I may move three in a row, two thrive and the third didn’t but as soon as I relocated the third it began to thrive.

So, take a lesson from a plant, if you are not abundantly growing where you are, there is nothing wrong with you. You might just need a small shift; even if others around you are thriving while you are not, the “location” you are in may not be right for you. Don’t give up or think a major replant is necessary, start with smaller easier to make moves or shifts, you may just find your abundant growth was only a few feet away.